That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
