If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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