Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
