Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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