trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
