I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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