Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
