she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
