Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
