Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
