I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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