i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
