just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
