I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
