I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
