Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize