I wannas sexs uuuuu
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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