Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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