A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize