Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
