A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
MIDGETS
????
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
