wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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