when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
