Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
