im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
