I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize