What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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