Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
