I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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