her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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