He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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