i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We are all done wearing pants today
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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