he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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