i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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