We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
ok first of all what the fuck
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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