"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
