You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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