my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
