and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
