so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
