i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
