Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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