So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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