C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
COCAINE IS GR8
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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