Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
