that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
