Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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