I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize