I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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