she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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