I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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