The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
