Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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