dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
