2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
