there's paper in my vomit.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
