some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
