In the future we'll all be gay
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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