Can i not drive my cunt home
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
