he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face