in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
