cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome