my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."