shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
