My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
