I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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