If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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