Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
