Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
