wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
vagina is talking i cant
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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