Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
