Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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