How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
