Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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