Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize